07.31.07
Accountability
ac·count·a·bil·i·ty [uh-koun-tuh-bil-i-tee]
–noun
| 1. | the state of being accountable, liable, or answerable. |
At work, where I live during every weekday, I have a few running-related decorations adorning my desk and walls. I have a big poster of Pre asking, “Where Are All The Rock Star Runners?” I have a small carolina-blue paper clock that reads, “Gone Running.” And I have a little yellow sticky note that sits unceremoniously atop my desk, often buried under mail or miscellaneous paperwork. It reads “ACCOUNTABILITY,” and it is underlined.
I wrote the note a couple months ago, when I was making my final preparations for US Outdoor Nationals and a hopeful bid to make the US World Team in the 1500m. In light of Joan’s recent post about stating our goals, this topic seems especially relevant. I thought it was important to speak my goals aloud, to make a statement to my community and be held accountable to more people than just myself. The note was a reminder to myself to write a post on the CAC Blog about my goals, kind of like a press release… But I was too scared (of success? of failure?) to tell people my goals, or even say them out loud. The note has since become a blemish on my desk, a constant reminder that I did not believe in myself enough to be forthright with other people invested in my running (my family, my co-workers, my training partners and teammates, my friends, my coach to a certain extent, and my community).
I held myself accountable for my goals but quietly in the safety-net of my home and journal (I don’t think I even spoke them aloud at home…). Well, here are my aforementioned goals that I was too shy, frightened and unsure about to admit to the world: I wanted to make the world team; I wanted to travel to Osaka, Japan and compete for the US; I wanted to run a personal best time in the 1500m; and I wanted to beat every single person in that final. Broken-heartedly, I will admit that I did not even make the final. But I’m coming clean; I had aspirations of greatness, not to be confused with delusions of grandeur (I hope).
And now, after all that soul-searching and confessing, I have one last confession. I’m training this year with one goal in mind: to make the US Olympic Team in the 1500m. There, it’s out in the open. Now I’m held accountable to everyone who reads this. And I’m carrying the pain and baggage of not making last year’s final with me. In more poetic terms, I’m going to train my body to perfection in order to purify my soul. With that, I will reach a new plateau and become eligible to earn a spot on the 1500m US Olympic Team.
Before you cast me off as crazy or heroic or naive, ask yourself: Who do you hold yourself accountable to? Youself? God? Your wife? Husband? Children? Parents? Significant other? Coach? And do those people know what really drives you? Do they know your goals? I’m not going to lie to you, it’s an emotionally-charged subject, maybe because it requires an honesty that’s inescapable.
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songs of experience » a good read said,
July 31, 2007 at 10:32 pm
[...] http://carrboroac.com/2007/07/31/accountability/ [...]
Robyn & Rachel said,
August 2, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Thanks for sharing. Got us thinking about those to whom we are accountable.
George said,
August 3, 2007 at 4:49 pm
“too shy, frightened and unsure “. Tell the world! Tell the world in a loud, proud voice Jason. I am in training for a spot on the US Olympic team.
If you train well, eat & sleep well, minimize stress, and are honest with yourself that you are truly putting 100% into this goal then you have nothing to fear or “be broken-hearted” about. Don’t get caught some day in the future saying, “I woulda, coulda, shouda!”
How many people can say they can run like you do? I would kill to do a 4:30/mile & you have run a sub 4. Refresh my feeble mind, “How many in the US have cracked that milestone?
Lace your shoes up, step up to the line & let’s go racing Jason! Heart & sole!
George
thronedoggie said,
August 3, 2007 at 5:13 pm
An interesting question - to whom do I hold myself accountable?
First off - I am, always, the one who has to live with myself. Therefore, by the simple matter of equivalence, I am accountable to myself, whether I want to be or not.
And those who depend upon me have to live with what I do, as well. I’ve heard marriage defined as “a conscious decision to share karma”. My children (probably) made no such conscious decision, but they have to live with what I do; that may be the most literal meaning to ‘the sins of the fathers shall be visited upon the children’.
However, that “accountability” has to do with my actions - and, no doubt, with my motives as well.
But when it comes to accountability for my GOALS - sheesh. I’m doing all I can to get rid of my goal-oriented mindset (and I keep picking it up, over and over
Jason said,
August 5, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Robyn & Rachel, thanks for the note! I’m glad I offered some inspiration for such a noble cause.
George, always a pleasure. You and Gayle are two of the people I feel accountable to!
thronedoggie, sounds like we’re on the same page. I like your idea that accountability has to do with our motives as well. I think my motives are justified, but doesn’t everyone? And right now I couldn’t imagine losing my goal-oriented mindset. And I don’t want to!
Thanks for the encouragement!
JJ